The love remains: how subbing in New Haven changed me

I was a substitute teacher with New Haven Schools for four months, until the unlucky day that found me cowering in my classroom alone during partial lockdown, followed by two minor tussles between young kids.

My late mother taught fifth grade in Hercules, California. She told me, during a taped interview in 2010, that it was either teach or be a nurse. She chose the former, considering - as her mother did - that it was a calling.

Mama Sue taught high school geometry when I knew her, but as a younger woman she had also taught English! She and Mom were brilliant, living role models who would blanch at any mention that I was less than perfect.

On that day at Brennan Rogers, I "woke up" to just how dangerous New Haven public schools are. These duo schools are set in a pastoral part of the city, and I had incorrectly assumed it was safe there. Then partial lockdown. I later discovered the source, which would be unwise to mention here. But it shocked me on several levels: that my months of complaints to the district about a lack of sub training were coming to light. The director of emergency operations, Rick Fontana, would tell me following that episode and my subsequent blog that he recommended biannual video watching for substitutes. We would sign off that we had watched a training video, similar to other city workers.

I was told after this day that the situation was being investigated. I was also told no disciplinary action had been taken, to which I replied, "of course not!" (yet I have not been permitted to work, losing hundreds in prospective income)! New Haven Schools did not have a second teacher or para in the kindergarten class that day, leaving me in charge of over 20 (as I recall) rambunctious five and six-year-olds making all manner of brilliant designs. I particulatly lauded the boy who made a long train track out of Legos.

Unfortunately, the little girl who coveted the plastic toy drill apparently either scratched someone or got scratched. No one has told me. I was working hard to pay attention to all these kids simultaneously. Had serious injury occurred, I would have heard a scream or...something. How many times have I sent a child to the nurse? Recently at Jepson Magnet, I did that and with her, a small Easter bunny so the girl would feel safe. Did this and gestures like this dozens of times, even after I had caught Covid at a school, received no sick time, and felt crappy for weeks.

After four months schlepping by bus to numerous schools, making sure attendance was taken and heads accounted for, hugging wee ones who needed or asked for it, insisting kids read actual books and learn a thing or two on my watch (i.e. one boy at Engineering and Science Magnet University High remembered I was the sub who had interviewed Dr. Jane Goodall!), I was unofficially let go, though the district has yet to confirm this. Not only were all kids safe under my watch, but I had gone out of my way to learn lockdown protocol, as I had done that very morning. The young teacher I was subbing for had left excellent instructions.

I have told myself many times that between threats of gun violence and behavioral issues, the

universe may be looking out for me. But then I think of the four year-old Black boy at Robert May who, upon going to sleep, whispered: "Miss W..." "Yes?" "Will you come over here so I can get to sleep?" I know I'd do it all over again.